Wanting More or Less Public Displays of Affection

How To Suggest a New Sexual Activity to a Partner

It is risky to suggest a new sexual activity to your partner. You are both stretching the boundaries of your current sexual connection while revealing a previously hidden sexual desire or interest. Trying new sexual practices is not a requirement for healthy or hot sex life.

Curiosity about alternative sexual practices and a desire to explore new things are healthy and can help a relationship move forward. These suggestions can help you address trying something new with your partner.

Take your time and do not rush into new sexual experiences.

  1. Do some preparation first

    Whatever you choose to suggest, make sure it’s fun and safe for everyone involved. Do you know the safety recommendations and strategies to avoid painful anal sex? If you want to use a sex toy, have you checked out a good sex shop or online to find one that works for both of you?

    The world of sex toys offers unlimited options for both male and female partners. You can try teasing your man with an automatic masturbator, try a prostate massager sex toy, or even an anal vibrator. If your partner is a female, rabbit vibrators for dual stimulation and/or magic wand sex toys provide impressive (orgasmic) results in as little as a few minutes.

    Note that you also have the option to play outdoors without anyone knowing your dirty secret – the commonly used sex toys for intimate outdoor fun include panty vibrators, remote-control sex toys, and hands-free vibes.

    You do not have to be an expert, and learning together can be a lot of fun. Having an overview or background can help you feel more comfortable talking about the new idea with your partner.

  2. Establish ground rules

    In every relationship, there are rules about what to talk about and how to talk to each other. If you can not talk about sex or ask for what you want, you are always at the mercy of chance. With new sexual opportunities, it helps if both partners agree that they can ask for whatever they want as long as they ask gently and do not expect an answer. Sometimes it is helpful to discuss ground rules before talking about sex.

  3. Choose the right moment

    Timing is crucial in a sex talk. It may not be the best idea to bring up going to a swingers club or watching porn together in the car on the way to work. Decide on a time when you are alone and not in a hurry, so you can both think about what you are saying and know how it feels before you act on it. To suggest a big sexual breakup, wait until you are in bed or having sex.

    How To Suggest a New Sexual Activity to a Partner Featured

  4. Make sure your partner understands your idea

    Trying something new can scare off or frighten partners into thinking it “says” something about your relationship (that you are bored, having an affair, or no longer interested in them). Before, during, and after you offer something new, remind your partner that you want to try it with them, not with just anyone. You think it’s fun or hot because you are doing it together.

  5. Preparation for the risk

    It is always risky to suggest a new sexual option. You are putting yourself at risk, and your partner may reject or judge you. But, as the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Besides, taking risks is part of growth, and you never know where it will lead you or your partner.

  6. Reduce the stress

    Pressuring your partner to try something new rarely works. The chances of him enjoying it are less than if he does it for his own pleasure or amusement. Having high expectations for a certain type of sex is also not helpful. If you expect tantric sex, role-playing, or dirty talk to change your sexual relationship, you may be disappointed.

  7. Be willing to take the lead

    If you suggest a new style of sex, do not expect your partner to take the initiative. A new sexual act that you should suggest is anything that the other person initiates.

    Even if you are both willing to dress up as Batman and Robin, the one who feels like capes and red tights needs to start the Batmobile.

Amie Dawson, Ph.D.

Amie Dawson, Ph.D.

Amie is your go-to gal for all things related to sex and sexual well-being.

A certified sex educator and award-winning sex toy reviewer, Amie has spent her career empowering individuals and couples to embrace their sexuality.

With a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and an ever-growing collection of over 200 vibrators, she's got the knowledge and experience to guide you on your pleasure-seeking journey.

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