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How To Talk About Differences in Sex Drive

When your long-term relationship hits a point when your sex drives differ, issues in talking about sex can quickly become accentuated, and even if you’ve attempted to talk about it multiple times, you may feel like you don’t want to talk about it. Eventually, you must communicate about the issue in order to get through it, resolve it, or end the relationship in a courteous and loving manner.
Check out the tips below if you’re having difficulty conversing.

Sexual desires take time to develop. And there are many ways you can do that. Read the following ideas, try to understand your partner and find a solution that will work for both of you.

  1. “Sex” in what context?
    What does the phrase “more or less sex” mean to you? Would you like something particular (e.g. an orgasm)? How much closeness, connection, and attention do you want? When you mention “sex,” you are thinking of something different from everyone else, and you should investigate your own interpretation of sex. At some point, you can tell your partner about it and not expect him or her to guess what your sexual desires are.
  2. Identify the problem
    You’re unlikely to find yourself upset while your partner is completely satisfied with your relationship. And even if you like your current relationship status, do you like your partner’s unhappiness with your sex life? Is this a “deal-breaker” issue or will you have to resolve it to save your relationship? Do you seem concerned with finding a compromise on issues like parenting children, career, or family. Do you feel comfortable if your partner prioritizes sex differently than you?
  3. Talk about what turns you on
    Sex interests you in numerous aspects of your life. Think about how your history and your current life influence your interest in sex. This can be done by writing in a sexual diary. Improved awareness of your sexual desire might help you take responsibility while speaking with a partner.
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  4. If  you don’t feel like talking, write a letter
    Eloquence and grammar are unimportant. First, jot down your difficulties so you can better understand them and work on expressing them to your partner. The people that do this really put pen to paper and make such intimate confessions much easier to share. Talking with letter writing can boost intimacy in relationships in some surprising ways.

  5. Compare your notes with your partner’s
    Converse your personal thoughts about sex. And don’t indicate your sexual problems only. Begin by trying to learn as much as possible about one another’s sexual histories before and during your partnership. Before this sexual communication, make sure you understand the significance of listening and reflecting back on what your partner is saying. We only need to fix misunderstandings and wrong assumptions in this conversation may make things worse.
  6. What are your expectations?
    Sometimes conversations on sex falter because the topic lacks an objective in mind. Your main goal could be: You could desire to know yourself or each other better.
    That might be your goal: staying together while you both are happy. Maybe the relationship is worth salvaging. Could you be wrong? Change your aims. Having a goal to aim toward can help some people stay on track and work out the difficulties.
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  7. Don’t blame your partner, you are both responsible
    When things go tough, someone gets identified as the “problem” while someone else denies any responsibility, saying that everything is OK. Is your lover happy, knowing that you’re unhappy? Ultimately, if one of you in a relationship is dissatisfied, so is the other. Whenever you discuss topics of sex drive differences, avoid the desire to point fingers and be accountable for your own decisions and reactions.
  8. Keep reminding yourself that you are in this together
    Sex drive discrepancies might be so strong that a couple may decide to separate. It’s ultimately their decision to make. However, regardless of the outcome, if your partner is someone you love and respect, strive to build a sense of partnership between the two of you. Once the barriers go up, it’s frequently simpler to get into a fighting stance than a cooperative one.
  9. Be ready to make subtle changes
    “I’m just not a changeable person.” “No way!” “I doubt it.” In reality, we are all capable of making a great deal of change. That is not to say we will do so, but we may. If we believe our circumstances are unchangeable, then we can become paralyzed and incapable of accomplishing anything.
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  10. Discuss your options
    Sex drive disparities in a relationship stem from various causes and numerous possible solutions. Re-read the following guidelines and discuss your potential options. Willing to get help by trying counseling or therapy? Or, will you both be committed to reading a book about sexual differences and talking about it regularly? Working together may not lead to a mutually gratifying outcome, so making sure you’re both on board seems like a critical step in working toward change.

Amie Dawson PhD

Amie is webmistress and head honcho at TheToy. She’s been married for seven years and has two kids.

For the past 10years Amie has lived the swinging lifestyle and gets to practice what she preaches at TheToy.

Sometimes technically challenged but always willing to try something new is the best way to describe Amie. Her motto in life is: “There is no such word as Can’t, take off the T and make it can.”