Amie Dawson, Ph.D.Even before the famous Sex and the City episode where Charlotte gets an awesome rabbit vibrator and disappears for the entire episode (only to be “saved” by intervention), this was a common question.
The idea that one can become addicted to a vibrator, unfortunately, fits well with the most popular myths about sex toys.
People who put sex toys down as being a substitute or replacement for a partner like to imagine that those of us who use sex toys end up sad and alone, talking to our sex toys at the end of the day, unable to find “real” sexual satisfaction with another human being.
This of course is completely untrue, as is the idea that one can easily become addicted to a vibrator. Because there have been absolutely no studies on this specific question it’s hard to offer evidence one way or the other, but here are some things to consider:
- Addictions imply harm.
There are many different ways that clinicians and researchers define addiction, but one of the key elements of all definitions is that the behavior is harmful to the individual, and in some sense out of their control.
There is absolutely nothing harmful about the proper use of a vibrator, nor is there anything harmful about masturbation.
Those who say that you can become addicted to vibrators may hold this belief because either consciously or unconsciously believe that using a vibrator in the first place is unhealthy, unclean, or otherwise wrong.
- Being comfortable with something and being “hooked” are different things.
One of the reasons people may think they can get addicted to their vibrators is that they may start using it, and then always want to use it (alone and with partners). They may even find that they have a hard time reaching orgasm without a vibrator.
But this is not the same thing as an addiction. What is most likely happening here is the result of how easily habituated our sexual response is. What this means is that we can quickly fall into patterns that sometimes feel like ruts.
If we always have sex one way, then our body comes to expect that routine, and it doesn’t respond if it isn’t given the expected triggers.
This is also one of the reasons couples often fall into a sexual routine that they may find boring, but also difficult to get out of. But this doesn’t mean we can’t get out of these patterns, nor does it mean that our body will forever require vibration to reach orgasm.
We can get out of these patterns simply by switching up the way we do things. If you feel like you’re relying on your vibrator too much, put it away for a day, a week, a month. Push yourself to try other things, revisit old sexual fantasies, explore other forms of sensual touch, or go back to what you were doing before you started using a vibrator.
Or, on the other hand, if you always like to have sex with your vibrator, why not always have sex with your vibrator?
For instance, many women prefer stimulating the clitoris while having sex to enhance the pleasure they experience. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
Magic wand vibrators and bullet vibrators are great for titillating the clit without interrupting your intercourse.
There are even devices that stimulate clit sucking – not exactly vibrators but still sex toys. And the feeling is fantastic, there’s no second opinion.
Many people hold this belief that “real sex” has to be somehow without any outside influence (no lubricant, no sex toys, etc…) This is a socially constructed idea whose time has passed.
Real sex is precisely whatever we say it is, and good healthy sex is anything two (or more) consenting adults engage in for sexual satisfaction. There is no reason not to bring your vibrator into the bedroom and make it a regular part of your sex life.
You may find that once you let yourself do this it ends up not getting used as often as you think it will (or maybe you’ll burn through the motors twice as fast once your partner discovers the joys of vibration!)
- People can focus on an obsession with anything.
While it isn’t accurate to use the word addiction to describe an unhealthy connection one might develop with a vibrator, it is possible for someone to develop an unhealthy connection to a vibrator just as people develop unhealthy obsessions to other objects and behaviors.
But to be clear there isn’t anything inherent in the vibrator that would make one susceptible to developing this kind of connection. And becoming fixated on an object is not the same as being addicted to it.
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